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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485456">Should This Be The Last Thing I See</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/felixfrckls/pseuds/felixfrckls'>felixfrckls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bang Chan is Whipped, Bang Chan-centric, Canon Compliant, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idols, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, M/M, Me Being Whipped, No Dialogue, Projecting, Short &amp; Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, felix's live, i don't know what this is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:55:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485456</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/felixfrckls/pseuds/felixfrckls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chan finally put a label on what he was feeling on the day of Felix's birthday, when, whipped just like their fans, he watched the boy go live and talk about how he had received hugs for his special day. How could he forget the way Felix had walked to his bed that morning and, without a word, laid down beside him and asked to get showered with affection?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>249</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Should This Be The Last Thing I See</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan knew he was in love with Felix long before he was able to give a name to the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan fell in love when he saw a boy, chubby cheeks and scared eyes, make his way inside the practice room for the first time so many years ago. Chan was in love when, after so many nights spent crying himself to sleep, he saw the blinding smile on Felix’s lips when it was announced he would debut with them, with him. He was in love when, a minute later, he found himself with an armful of Felix, in front of cameras and an audience but they didn’t care, they were happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was in love with Felix when they performed in Australia for the first time and, voice breaking because of the tears streaming down his face, he told in his ment how much he had wanted to perform at home with Felix by his side and walk down the streets of Sydney knowing he was there with him. He was in love when they went live together and he realised he had not laughed that much in a long while, Felix being the happy pill he had always been, brightening up his day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might have known then already but, being in love with Felix didn’t stop him from trying to hide his feelings behind the label “brothers”. After all, what else was he supposed to do when all he wanted to do was never leave Felix’s side, see that bright and perfect smile every single day waking up and before going to sleep. He wasn’t allowed to feel that way, not in their industry and not if it meant ruining whatever he and Felix had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, as much as he tried to hide it, Chan was still in love. He was in love when, in his darkest days, Felix didn’t accept a no for answer and always told him his most unbiased opinion, helping Chan more than he could have even imagined. His feelings made him feel warm and alive, human in an industry that liked to consider them robots, but they also hurt. They hurt because Felix wasn’t affectionate with him as much as he was with the other members, they hurt because Felix called him “big brother” just as many times as Chan himself called him “little brother”. It was ironic because he was the one who had started it but that didn’t make it hurt any less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes Chan found it easier to play the victim, to convince himself that he didn’t deserve anything positive in his life, even when he could solve all of his problems with just a few words, taking the courage and finally confronting Felix face to face. One day he did, he started small, not ready to branch out on more serious topics </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> he simply asked Felix why he wasn’t so affectionate with him as he was with the others. And, that day, the switch flipped, not only from Chan’s prospective, but from Felix’s as well. If Felix hugged him, he hugged back. If Felix’s side bumped into his, Chan immediately had an arm around his shoulders. Why should he deny himself now that he knew Felix was comfortable?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, after all this time, Chan was still in love when Felix suddenly started to ask for cuddles, going to bed hugged tightly to his body and waking up right next to that blinding smile Chan had dreamed to see for so long. He was in love when he couldn’t find it in himself to use terms as “brother” anymore, but started to use different ones, names that gave him completely away but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Felix was suddenly his soulmate, he was sunshine, he was his home. The more he grew comfortable with his feelings, the more obvious he became </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> to the point where he didn’t even try to control himself when his first instinct was to mention Felix so often that people started to wonder if he ever talked about something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Chan thought he was even more in love when he started to see the same signs flash back at him </span>
  <span>— </span>
  <span>because, perhaps, Felix was in love too. He was in love when Chan complained during a Billboard interview of all places that he craved some chocolate chip cookies and Felix couldn’t find it in himself to deny him that, so he baked him some the next day. Felix was in love when, on days when his confidence was at an all time low, Chan was there to support him and, just as he always did with him, give him an unbiased opinion that was always more welcomed than yes-men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan finally put a label on what he was feeling on the day of Felix's birthday, when, whipped just like their fans, he watched the boy go live and talk about how he had received hugs for his special day. How could he forget the way Felix had walked to his bed that morning and, without a word, laid down beside him and asked to get showered with affection? However, as heartwarming as that had been, it had not yet been the turning point for Chan. That came when Felix, almost without realising, started to sing along to his favourite songs, completely immersed in them, to the point where Chan wondered if he even remembered he was live.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way his voice rang in the air, the pure passion you could easily read all over his face, those were defintely all things that made Chan proud, but nothing could come close to what Chan felt realising how much Felix had grown, how much confidence he had gained in himself and in his abilities. As selfish as it was, Chan liked to think that a tiny, minuscule part of the reason why Felix was more confident in who he was and what he could do was thanks to him. So, Chan couldn’t do anything but listen, he listened and tried to figure out what he had done in his life to deserve someone as precious and unbelievably perfect as Felix was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He listened to Felix sing “Everglow”, that one song the younger had recommended the first time they had gone live together and he couldn't help but think of how much things had changed. Now Chan was in love </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> he was then already but now he was comfortable with admitting it </span>
  <span>— </span>
  <span>and, as crazy as it sounds, Felix was in love with him too. That day, Chan could see it in the way the younger blushed a bright red when he had called him on the phone, with the live still on, and complimented him for his singing. The most prideful part of Chan was very satisfied that everyone could see Felix’s reaction to his words, the sudden shyness Felix was showing as if Chan had never heard him sing before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan could especially see the fondness in Felix’s eyes when he entered the room, absolutely uninvited and knowing fully well that he would make the younger feel even shyer. Nevertheless, Felix still sang and, this time, he sang for Chan </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> the song he had recommended, with him in the same room and fans knowing he had been the one who had requested that song. Chan was relieved he was not in the camera shot because he was rather sure that if he held a sign with “in love” written on it, it would still be less obvious then the pure love and admiration shining in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, what was the point in hiding it anyway when Felix’s eyes were filled with the same kind of love, that strong feeling he didn’t quite know how to explain to others but, at the same time, didn’t need explanations at all. That love had been there since day one, had grown, had hurt incredibly much, had made them happy, had been the reason for a countless amount of teasing from both fans and their members </span>
  <span>— </span>
  <span>never done in a mean or mocking way, but rather just to point out something that was so obvious already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, maybe they couldn’t call themselves boyfriends out loud, they couldn’t go on fancy dates without causing a scandal, they could be affectionate but not </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>affectionate. But, despite all of the things they didn’t have, Chan and Felix had all they needed </span>
  <span>— </span>
  <span>they had a content heart, they had butterflies in their stomach just as they did on that first day in the practice room, they had silent words shared with a single look, they had the feeling of being home far away from home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In short, they had each other and, as long as Chan could still hold Felix in his arms, he figured he could wait for the world to know about them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i have no idea what this is, i only know this is what felix's live did to my heart.<br/>have a great day and take care &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>i'm always up for a talk @<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/jaentlemoon/">twitter</a><br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/daydlysins/">instagram</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.me/jaentlemoon">cc</a><br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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